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shadowlove 35, Female, New York, USA - 60 entries

Jul 2007
7:09 PM EDT

"WInning does not tempt that man. This is how he grows: by being defeared, decisively by constantly greater beings." - Rilke

I didn't make it into Otaku Idol - whatever... I mean it would be really awesome if I made it, but... whatever.

I'm not much of a singer anyway - I'm more a musician. XD

"Who can live without it - I ask in all honesty. What would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say, thank you for the music!!" - ABBA

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XxOctoberxX 37, Female, Kansas, USA - 6 entries

Jul 2007
2:58 PM MST

my life totally suck...god y did i have to love him of all people...now that it has been awhile, i kinda hate him for it. But how can i regret something that once made me happy? man i want to be held...my best friends brother set me on a blind date... i dont know if i should...forgive me all of u that love me, my life is miserable, i need someone real, and here. i do love you back, i really do, but im so alone. i hate it and every thing i do and every thing i dont do. i ask myself oh god, why me?

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Daydreamer 37, Female, Australia - 26 entries

Jul 2007
5:10 PM EDT

Ineed to just vent and get out all of the feelings that I feel right now! So sorry but if you read this is going to be like a constant complaint about my life....please feel free to comment me if you have any possible solutions!!

Ok for starters I dont like the current phase in my life. I hate that I have had my license for almost a month now and I still dont have a car to drive because nobody has the time to fix it for me. On a brighter note it is getting fixed this weekend!

I also dont like that I hate having a job. I know this is my fault and that I can fix it but believe it or not its hard to find a job right now.I am looking this week with a friend that also needs to find one.

One of the biggest reasons my life sucks is because it doesnt matter where I go whether I am with my Dad or my Moms house is I dont feel like they want me there...like Im really being basicallyy thrown out and hten theres no place to go.As soon as possible though that is changing because me and some room mates are looking for a place to live together.

The biggest reason my life sucks right now is because I havent been in a relationship since like I was seventeen and I am now nineteen and it just has been a really long lonely road. I dont see this problem being fixed any time soon...there just really isnt anyone who is possible boyfriend material for me and when I was hurt before it like scarred me for life and it just really sucks.I feel lonely all the time even when the room is full of people who love me. I just dont know what to do with this situation it seems like if I just sit back and wait nothing comes and I am getting tired of waiting!!!!

Any advice will help so please feel free to give any comments that you have and thank you for taking the time to fully read this and for also leaving any information or advice comments you have.

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1 comment(s) - 11:33 AM - 07/17/2007

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Jul 2007
12:38 AM MST

RILKE enjoy your discontent only fools never win

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NotSoAverage 37, Female, California, USA - First entry!

Jul 2007
3:25 PM EDT

So how can i start i guess i can say that im not your everyday girl. i try to be outgoing and crazy but the past two years havae not been the best for me, or if you knew me you could say that before i was even born my life got screwed up. my dad died in a car accident about a week before his and my moms wedding, and my sister died when she was 15 in a seperate car accident with four of her friends. i guess you could say that my family is cursed with bad luck. when i was about four years old my aunt died of kidney failure, and when i was about fourteen my grandparents died.
Its only been me and my mom mainly for the last almost 17 years there was a time when i was about ten my mom got together with an old flame named ron. I absolutly hated him of course what child doesnt hate the new person with there parent. well they were together for about three years when he ask my mom to marry him in a restaurant i broke down and started bawling wondering why my mom would marry a man that i despised so much well while the fourth year went by they ended up not getting married they seperated but still remained close and i finally started to like him. well one day my mom picke dme up early from school in a rush to get to the bank she told me that her and ron had got into a fight because my mother wouldnt make him part owner in her buisness well after that we found out some pretty scary information about him. we kind of broke into his house which was technaclly ours because we sold it to him and he hadnt paid full amount yet but anyways mom broke into his computer and found dome disterbing emails from three different woman. yes he cheated on my mom while they were together but the worst thing was that he had gotten into some nasty stuff like slave and owner stuff one of the emails stated that while one of the womans husband was gone ron went and sexually abused her making markson her breast anad making her show them to her son to show him who was in charge. yes freaky i know. but what i realized later on about my gut feeling of not liking him was because i knew something was wrong with the picture , i would love for my mom to find someone exspecially since it would take some of the burdon off of me.
I have moved around alot from two different places for some reason we just keep moving back and fourth. during my ninth garde year i moved and when i first went to the school i hated it i wanted to move back that day but i didnt and i stuck it through and it was probally the best year of my life i met an amazing friend there named keri i dont know what i would do without her, have you ever heard the saying that if you go through life with that one true friend then you are truly blessed, well that is her i can tell her anything i know that she wont judge me and she can do the same to me she went through alot that year and i was there for her. Then i moved back again and i started my 10th grade year at a different school. it was ok at first but the thing is that i have this friend kayla for some reason i reamin friends with her not knowing why. its not that she is mean or anything its just that she is kind of to into her self and doesnt think of anyone else, and she is kind of two faced to its like when she gets around her cheerleading friends she wants absoulty nothing to do with me, which hurts alot. you can try telling her this stuff but it doesnt help at all. but its like she is the only one that i have here beside leanne. well i got my licence when i was 15 so of course i was the person to drive people around mainly kayla which was fine with me because i had some one to hang out with but everyone bet that as soon as kayla got her licence that she wouldnt even care about me anymore or even try to hang out and guess what that is exactly what happened. so basically i have nothing to do this summer because my other best friend is in australia right now for a month.
now here is where my life really starts to suck the past two years have been hell for me because of my mom she has been so stressed out and you know what they say they take it out on the people closest to them. well thats me. i cant stand it sometimes i get yelled at constantly like i can never do anything right sometimes i just think it woould be easier to just go ahead and end my life now as it is and get it over with. but something always keeps me holding on we have two houses that i cant stand because they are always dirty and im always exspected to clean them up. we have about a million junk rooms in our house of stuff that we dont even use or need and i want to get rid of it but at the same time i want to be a teenager with my friends thats probally part of the reason know one ever asks me to do stuff because im never aloud to. because i have to stay and help clean which most of the time we dont even do anything because mom is to busy sleeping on the couch. but there will be more about that in my next journal
now lets see my romantic life .... sucks i think that i am truly ment to be alone because nothing ever works out for me guys are never interested and never make attempts to talk to me. and when i do find a guy he is either a drugy who is obsessed with an ex, a jon tucker that is obsessed with girls period or his best friend which happens to be a girl, or a complete romantic who seems so good and spectacular then breaks a date and you never hear from him again. ya thats basically it my friend tried to hook me up with at least five guys this summer so far and none of them worked out so i officially give up there are plenty of woman that stay single and live happy lifes but i just want that feeling that someone wants me and loves me and wants to be with me and do stuff with but so far that hasnt happend i wish i could be like kayla she seems to have all the guys fall at her feet and i dont get it like why her i dont know . she just recently got a guy which just happend to be the same guys that i likes since about 5th grade well i guess i have to say that, that is all for today but i will be back tomorrow with more of my boring storys to tell it just feels good to get this stuff off my chest and say it instead of holding it all in... well in til next time.....NotSoAverage

Tags: Its a Start

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1 comment(s) - 12:13 PM - 07/17/2007

giovani74 50, Male, North Carolina, USA - 21 entries

Jul 2007
2:35 PM EDT

I thought we would have something more today because the lady from (Fantasia Weddings) told Danielle that she could get a price for about $68 per person. Now thats my kind of price. I don't believe it and if true i'm looking for a gotcha, somewhere down the line. Eloping is still an option though I have never seen myself eloping and neither has Danielle. This wedding stuff is hard and tiresome. For everyone reading this blog, please get plan properly and have a backup. Getting married is big business in the US and everyone in the industry knows it.

Tags: It continues

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Alex2o10 33, Female, Texas, USA - 2 entries

Jul 2007
2:32 AM EDT

7/16/07 5:27 a.m.

We got back home a few hours ago from camp it was crazy up there. I was watching a movie earlier today and my mom started crying bacause of the movie and how she was all lonley. She wont even go out to find a guy so she just gets all sad and dpressed and then i feel all bad cause then i think its my fault that she is stil single. But whatever ok well im tired so im gonna go to bed so maybe i will have some energy for tomarrow

Later

Alex

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Holly 53, Female, New York, USA - 42 entries

Jul 2007
2:02 PM EDT

LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

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shadowlove 35, Female, New York, USA - 60 entries

Jul 2007
9:15 PM EDT

I had the most vivid dream last night (that's not really normal for me). A few years ago I had a lot of dreams that would take place in my old elementary school... I was there again last night and my friend Matt was getting really upset (I only met Matt last year and we're always our normal ages in these dreams). I don't know why he was upset - I don't even think dream me knew - twords the end he started crying (I even feel bad thinking about it). What bugs me, is that Matt's a year older than me so he graduated high school this year and I won't get to see him again.
Louisa's last minute planning for otakon is crazy!! I'm all of a sudden soo busy!

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Jul 2007
3:44 PM MST

Just got back to CN's from Hills ALive! Tired but WOW what an awesome time with the Lord! I always love the feeling I get when I leave Hills ALive! I do feel Alive again! "Thank you Lord Jesus for ths weekend, for the aweome time to worship you and you answered my prayers by helping me to feel closer to you Lord, I pray that feeling stays and I can work harder on making you happy and proud! Thank you for our safety" AMEN

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